Australians are a flock of flaming Galahs with a sense of humour that is satirical and ironic, but we don’t find these following phrases funny at all. From shrimps on the Barbie to insulting our national sport and favourite breakfast spread, these are 10 things you should never say to an Aussie.
Put another shrimp on the barbie
Prior to Tourism Australia’s disastrous ‘where the bloody hell are ya?’ campaign, Paul Hogan was cast to deliver the line ‘slip an extra shrimp on the barbie for ya’ in their 1984 tourist ad. The quote would become quintessentially Australian, except for the small fact that Australian’s don’t use the word shrimp – we call them prawns.
Dingo ate my baby
Aussies have an irreverent sense of humor, but we draw the line with this one. Attributed to Lindy Chamberlain, the phrase was used when her daughter Azaria was taken by a dingo while on holiday in Uluru. To say this to anyone is wildly insensitive to the fact that a baby died that night in 1980.
Vegemite is disgusting
How dare you! Vegemite is a delicacy and like all delicacies, less is more. Don’t eat it by the spoonful and, when spreading it on toast, don’t slather it on like you would butter or jam. If you follow these simple tips, you too can be a Happy Little Vegemite, as our unofficial national anthem states. Moreover, as one of the richest sources of vitamin B, there’s a lot to be happy about. Even Miley Cyrus, who has a tattoo of a vegemite jar, is a fan.
Vegemite on store shelf | © Maksym Kozlenko/WikiCommons
What’s the difference between Australian and New Zealand?
Don’t get us wrong: we love our cousins across the ditch but Australia and New Zealand are two very different places separated by over 2,000 kilometers and comparing the two is the equivalent of believing that the United States and Canada are the same. Aside from the distance and the fact that they are two distinct countries, each has own unique culture and landscape too. Sure our flags are similar, but each country has its own individual identity.
Zealand topic image Satellite image | © Pbsouthwood/WikiCommons
Fosters is hands down the best beer in the world
You’ve clearly never tried Carlton Draught. While Fosters is an Australian brand, it’s not the beer of choice for Aussies and is much more popular with the British. In fact, Fosters isn’t even one of our top 10 favourite beers. To drink like true blue Australian opt for Victoria Bitter or, even better still, support your local micro-brewery.
Fosters in America, Victoria Bitters in Australia | © Jim Legans, Jr/Flickr
I hate AFL
Sport is a massive part of Australian culture and AFL is our national game so although it’s not a crime to hate the footy it’s best to keep your opinions to yourself. To put Australia’s love of AFL in context, it has the fourth highest attendance of any professional sport in the world and in Victoria, the Friday before the Grand Final is celebrated with a public holiday and parade.
Ball is in dispute in Hawthorn-Essendon AFL match | © Tom Reynolds/WikiCommons
When you say Kylie you mean Jenner, right?
Kylie is a national treasure and as far as any Australian is concerned there is only one and she doesn’t sell overpriced lippy. Between Scott and Charlene’s wedding on Neighbours to her enormously successful music career, the undisputed Princess of Pop is a cultural icon.
Kylie Minogue 2011 | © Paul Robinson/WikiCommons
American coffee is better
You’re kidding, right? What’s the point in ordering a triple venti soy latte with extra whip and caramel drizzle when all you get is dishwater? In Australia, coffee is an art form and our baristas are highly trained, especially in Melbourne. Preferring local cafés over big chains, Australians take their coffee seriously with a typical menu including pour over, aeropress, cold drip and cappuccinos variations.
Market Lane QVM Deli Hall Shop | Courtesy of Lauren Bamford
I don’t like slang
Tough luck, you’re down under now mate and we abbreviate everything. The rule of thumb is that any proper noun with three syllables will have a shortened alternative; for example, McDonald’s becomes Maccas. Also, just to confuse tourists, we have a long list of words that make no sense and we use offensive language to describe our friends. For an example of a typical sentence, take this traffic report: “Got a bingle out in Broady. Towies on site but as a result it’s chockers in that direction.”
They’re actually called flip-flops
No, they’re not! They are called thongs and they are a staple in any summer wardrobe. The term flip-flops doesn’t even make sense. They aren’t crabby patties—you can’t flip them over and wear them two ways. Admit it, the term is ridiculous and the world should adopt our word now.